A man’s view on how to calm a woman down
Don’t say, “Calm down.”
“You need to calm down,” I told my wife. It was right after a fender bender where a pickup truck hit her Prius in the rear. The police arrived, an ambulance came and took the other driver away, and she was upset: a. she banged her head on the steering column and windshield; b. this was her second accident in a month; c. the other driver had no driver’s license, no proof of insurance.
“Calm down,” I said again.
I did not anticipate the windstorm these words would cause.
“That is the worst thing you can tell a woman,” she said excitedly.
I have not learned my lesson even after my daughter confirmed what my wife said. Never tell a woman to calm down. Now, I am thinking, I am in a crowded theater and a fire breaks out in the popcorn machine. I calmly say, “Please proceed to the exits and stay calm.” Do all the men walk calmly to the exit and all the women glower at me?
Offer her a chair
If I buy my wife a sign that says, “Stay calm and carry on,” does she break it over my head.
I know men are from Mars and women from Venus, but I don’t want to go to war over two four letter words, “Stay calm.”
Give her a cat
The new kitten we got is calm, so why can’t my wife calm down?
Don’t quote Marcus
Marcus Aurelius said, “Art thou angry with him whose arm-pits stink? Art thou angry with him whose mouth smells foul? What good will this anger do thee?”
He also said, “When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
I think I will try that.
When traveling sit apart
And always choose Stressless recliners.